Why Women Should Always Make The First Move

March 7, 2016 Torey Wright


Oh, you took the initiative. That is too sexy.

There’s a double standard in the dating world, or at least a complete imbalance. See, as many strides as we have made toward equality and women’s rights, there is one facet that everyone seems to turn a blind eye to: mating and (most importantly) dating the man you want.

Or if you’re a die-hard evolutionary type, you’ll say that men will hunt, women will be hunted, and such will always be the case because it’s just hard-wired into our hunter-gatherer DNA.

Research suggests that it isn’t simply gender (or sex) that influences who does the asking, but psychological factors handed down through generations of socialization, and teaching both genders that sexy women defer to a man, allowing him to be in control.

In the 1995 book The Rules , authors Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider argued: “Women who played hard to get, either deliberately or by accident, were the ones who got the guys, while the women who asked guys out or were too available were the ones who got dumped.”


I do not agree. Women who play hard to get will be single and alone. Today’s woman is dealing with a new breed of men and it’s not the kind they grew up dreaming about. Men are not really men anymore. But that’s another blog post entirely.

Unfortunately today, a woman must be the chased and the chaser. She must be the target and the shooter. She must play coy and simultaneously pursue him.



With the huge success of Bumble, a Tinder-like dating app where women have to message their match first, aren't we at a point where more women should be comfortable making the first move?

Bumble, and whatever similar platforms may follow it, could in fact change the rules. By giving women “permission” to act first, all kinds of new relationships may emerge that would before have never materialized. And you don’t have to be hemmed in by society’s restrictions about who should ask and who should be asked.

Find your own fulfillment in relationships by boosting your own sense of control, and you may be surprised by where it leads you. A woman always hold the key.


Whether it’s the casual and easy “I’d like to see you again. What’s your number?”  Men make the moves, and women either accept or decline.

Nowadays, I say “forget that”. In almost every other important aspect of life, men and women are being treated equally and given the same amount of consideration. I think it’s about time the dating world stepped up and stopped living in the past.

See, ladies, us men are not only impressed by your boldness when you approach us, but because you have also made yourself look that much better than every other passive woman there. You are confident, you exude an air of beauty, and you’re not scared to go and try to get what you want.

All of that becomes clear to us the moment you make the first move. We’re thrown off guard. This is something we are not really used to. When you can make the first move, initiate conversation, and keep the banter going effortlessly we’re flat out shocked.

At the end of the night, if you ask for our number, give the obvious signs you want us to kiss you and offer to take us home or come home with us.

Taking initiative is sexy. Take it from a man's point of view.
I do not say this arrogantly but I’m a man who has done the approaching and has been approached as well. I’m a man who forgets half the women he hits on but will never forget the ones who acted with such self-assurance that they had no qualms with hitting on him. Get on his radar and he will noticed you.

A photo by William Stitt. unsplash.com/photos/MUwFLJcn0u0

You have to realize there are a lot of men who don’t know how to approach women, but otherwise would make for great boyfriend material. They are just trying to get past that one little hiccup.

So, for all of you single ladies who complain about being single, take the initiative. If you think he’s attractive and he hasn’t hit on you, don’t assume it’s because he doesn’t want to.

Maybe he doesn’t have the thick skin needed to deal with rejection after rejection and just can’t stomach another one right then and there. In his mind, he’s already been shot down before he opened his mouth because his past hasn’t proven differently.

By not taking initiative, there is absolutely no telling how many good men you miss out on and how many of those guys would make great boyfriends, husbands and fathers.

You may never know. But you’ll certainly know what it’s like to cry into your pint of Ben & Jerry’s Rocky Road when Valentine’s Day comes around next year, and you’re the only one you know without a date.

Taking initiative is sexy. It could change your life and the life of a lucky (albeit shy) guy, too.

By.Torey Wright

To learn more check out this post: "How To Confidently Approach Men"

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