What? When? Where? Who? Why?
“The Five Ws are questions whose answers are considered basic in information-gathering. They are often mentioned in journalism (cf. news style), research, and police investigations. They constitute a formula for getting the complete story on a subject.”– Wikipedia
The 5 Ws are definitely the most urging questions, except for “What?. You already knew “what”; it was more of a “say what??” kind of thing.
Unlike many other cheating spouses (who do everything they can to NOT answer questions), some men will chose to stay and answer every question you had.
“She” was someone you knew from his work. You even liked her yourself. His boss gave them a project they had to work on together.
This project had them spending a lot of time together. They started going out to “work-lunches”, which turned to “dinner-lunches” and before he knew it, the work-talk turned to intimate talk.
They liked each other. They had a lot in common. They shared their life struggles and finally they shared a bed too.
The more he told me, the more (unbelievable) pain you feel. You knew that the more you knew the more upset you will be, but you couldn’t stop asking more and more questions.
But You’re Not Asking the Most IMPORTANT Questions
Sure, you have to know how it started, where, how many times etc.
Because it teaches you about intention. There’s a difference between an office romance and hooking up with prostitutes, right?
But there are other, more important questions to ask a cheating husband. These questions can make or break your marriage.
They will show you if there’s a chance of surviving this, and they can help you start your healing journey the right way.
I’ve found these critical questions in Dr. Frank Gunzburg’s “How to Survive an Affair” book:
10 Questions to Ask a Cheating Husband
1. What did you do with her that you never do with me?
2. How did you feel after the first time you slept with her?
3. What did you say to yourself to justify your actions?
4. Was it hard for you to keep lying to me about what you do andwhere you are?
5. What did she offer to you that I never did?
6. What did you tell her about us? Did you confide to her about our problems?
7. How did she make you feel when you were with her?
8. What do you feel for her?
9. Did you talk about a future together?
10. Would you leave me for her if she asked for it?
These questions, if answered honestly, will give you everything you need to know about how and where to go on from here.
They will show you what’s missing in your relationship. They will show you how and if he really regrets his betrayal. They will show you if he is being honest and if there’s a chance you can trust him again.
They can help you prevent this from ever happening again.