If you’ve spent any time at all learning how to get better with women you’ve probably heard all the advice on overcoming approach anxiety, using openers, being cocky funny, passing shit tests, and an entire checklist of do’s and don’ts in regards to dealing with women.
All of this is great advice, it will give you the motivation to get out there and try this stuff.
In this article, you will understand the mind / body aspect of approach anxiety. Recently, while out having a beer with a friend. We stumbled onto a conversation about a problem many men face that is most likely holding them back from meeting women.
This problem is never really talked about…What is your brain telling you in these social environments?
It’s something I notice in my clients all the time. I can see it in myself as well. The biggest problem guys have with improving their dating life is the actual “Approach”. They simply don’t do enough of them to get good fast.
For any guy who’s been reading pickup advice for over a year. They should know by now, to make any outing some-what fruitful. You should be approaching enough women to receive five numbers by the end of the day or night. (accounting for flakes and bad #’s ) Something’s holding you back from hitting that target number..
False Evolutionary Feedback
In my early years of going out, at the beginning of the night. I couldn’t believe I was going to be spending the whole night approaching. You think to yourself “is this even possible”. The thought of getting 10 phone numbers from girls! It was foreign to me…
I look back now and noticed how as soon as I would get into a bar or nightclub, my mind was hypnotizing me into thinking “every girl in here is un-approachable”. I immediately begin thinking to myself:
Oh she’s with a guy
She’s Walking Out
She’s Too Hot
People Are Watching
The excuses I made up went on forever…all night actually.
In actuality, our brain is making these excuses. It’s doing something it’s done since the beginning of time. This is just plain old human evolution. Excuse me if I’m headed into the direction of Darwinism here. Because I know it turns some guys off. But there are mind concepts here to recognize.
Thousands of years ago, if you enter into a new tribe or group. You had to judge your surroundings, sometimes pretty fast. If you don’t know who’s who – You may have to take a couple of days to figure out the social structure of the group. Also, to find out the status you receive within the group. You must thread lightly, so you don’t bang the girlfriend of the alpha male. Leading him and his cousins to come kill you.
You’re brain is basically feeding you false evolutionary feedback. It’s just sending you the feedback it’s feels you should be receiving. So instead of your brain going, “Hey Matt, you don’t know who the alpha male is yet. Don’t approach until you know the status”.
No, you hear excuses like “She’s dancing” or “She’s walking out.
Your brain can’t talk to you verbally, so it will – lie to you with negative messages. It’s actually very healthy for your brain to do this. It’s completely normal.
Your New Normal: Recognizing what’s going on in your head. Break through this now by approaching the girl who’s walking out or the girl with the guy. You will begin to notice – that nothing bad ever happens. Take some much needed action to override the thinking mind.
Number one way to get over this mind trap, is to just move your feet in the direction of your lady of interest. Regardless of the emotions you’re experiencing in your body.
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