8 Ways To Read Your Newly Divorced Date
By LaDawn Black
Contrary to popular belief, a divorced person can be a great partner. Yes, there is a bit of truth to the theory that there can be baggage and stress with dating someone who's newly divorced. However, you can luck out and meet a divorcee who's already let go of the past and is ready to forge ahead into his or her relationship future with someone new. Here are eight ways to tell if your divorced date is ready to move on with you.
Clue #1: You've been invited into this person's inner circle
You have been dating for a few months, and your lover is inviting you into the "friends and family" circle. This is an important step because that group
Clue #2: This person's comfortable talking about how the marriage ended. If your lover is able to talk about the marriage that ended openly and honestly without a great deal of emotion, then that's sure sign that this person's moved on. Someone who still gets angry, teary-eyed or refuses to talk about the circumstances around the end of a prior marriage is clearly still trapped mentally within that old relationship's boundaries.
Ask about the marriage, and then listen closely to the type of response that you get. A person that's ready to move on can express what worked and what didn't to you without getting terribly wrapped up emotionally in the discussion. Instead, this person approaches discussing the former marriage like any other old boyfriend/girlfriend scenario — free of regret, hurt or longing.
Clue #3: Your new honey turns into a problem solver
When it comes to you, no small disagreement goes unnoticed. Your newly divorced lover wants to keep you happy and is willing to correct any behaviors that may make you uncomfortable. On the other hand, this person clearly articulates what things are working for him or her in your relationship and which ones could use some improvement.
Often, people who have made it out of a difficult marriage aren't interested in spending any time in another similar situation right away. So if you are The One, your lover will focus on fixing the small issues in your relationship before they turn into major problems. This person's goal is to make the new relationship with you as smooth as it can possibly be for everyone.
Clue #4: You're given an honest look into why the marriage ended
A person who can be honest about his or her role in the marriage's demise is definitely a keeper. This is someone who
knows whether he or she was the real cause of the divorce or if it was, ultimately, the other spouse's fault — and that it definitely takes two people to build (or destroy) a loving relationship. This person understands the often uncomfortable facts behind why the marriage didn't work out and what to do differently in order to prevent having those same issues again in future relationships. Accepting responsibility is a sign that your honey is willing to be a true partner and see both sides of an argument.
Clue #5: He or she has cleaned house… emotionally and literally
The wedding pictures have been taken down, the mementos are put away, and the house even has a fresh coat of paint — all of these little things play a huge role in letting you know that your love interest is ready to move on.
Our environment can often keep us connected to the past, and when someone is ready for a change, reorganizing one's living space to make it more conducive to inviting new people in is crucial. It shows that this person realizes that you can't build new memories if you're holding on too tightly to the old ones.
Clue #6: You're being treated like a true partner in every way
This is the easy one! Instead of saying "I," the term eventually turns into "we" when your lover speaks. The one you love is making an effort to include you in future plans, and you're treated like a star player instead of just a substitute warming the bench.
Also, this person isn't just looking for anyone who's willing to become a new wife/husband or daddy/mommy for the kids; rather, your lover is focused on getting to know the real you and wants to help define your new relationship as a couple together.
Clue #7: You start seeing the sunny side of the ex
You have to know that most marriages start from a place of love, lust or at least like; all of these are positive things, and even in the darkest of relationships, there were probably at least a few moments of joy and happiness now and then.
If your honey is willing to tell funny stories from the past or say positive things about the ex-spouse, it's a good sign that this person has made peace with the fact that even though things may not have worked out, the marriage was definitely an important part of shaping who he or she is today.
Clue #8: Words that show he or she is excited to make a fresh start with you come up often
People that are ready to move on will often tell you so. They will use terms like "second chance," "so lucky" and "be different" to describe a new relationship. People who have moved on from their bad marriage's bumpy ride are appreciative of the opportunity for new romance to bloom and celebrate being free to love again.
LaDawn Black is a relationship expert, radio personality and the author of Stripped Bare: The 12 Truths That Will Help You Land the Very Best Black Man. Learn more about her at www.ladawnblack.com.