Dating on it’s own is stressful, it takes us out of our comfort zone and throws us into a situation with a new person. We do not know how the date will go, what the topics of conversation will be, and how the date will end (Breakfast? Cold shower? Restraining order?).
These factors introduce high levels of uncertainty, and according to a study by Berger and Calbrese, “Humans do not like uncertainty”.
Before you completely dismiss the idea of speed dating, Maybe it’s time to consider the dating format as a viable option. Speed dating is a fun and a exciting event to improve your dating skills period. It’s a structured environment that force interactions.
SD events are perfect for shy/introverted individuals who want to improve certain areas of their life. I advise all my clients to attend. It’s an idea settings to improve:
-Build attraction and chemistry
-Practice Improv-comedy skills
-Practice positive body language
-Improve social circle
I highly recommend this as a confidence booster mainly, with the added bonus of dates. Added plus, if you don’t match with anyone at the SD event. You come back to the next event for free.
Here’s a few Do’s and Don’t’s to get results from SD events.
(DO) Show up a little early.
Settled into the bar environment, check out the site and consider a “pre-game” drink at the bar to loosen up if needed. You only get five minutes to impress someone, you definitely don’t want to be “all nerves” for your first couple of dates, so do what you need to do beforehand to relax and take the edge off.
(DO) Make sure you have a good, firm, solid handshake.
It is always good practice to shake hands when first introducing yourself to a new dater. Stand strong with good posture in your back and shoulders. Remember, you only get one chance to make a first-impression. Even starting with bad eye contact doesn’t leave you much time to recover. You don’t want to be remembered as “MARK- weird eye contact guy”. So, just remember to relax and be yourself.
(DO) Go into the evening with an open-mind.
There may be an event where you are NOT attracted to anyone in attendance. You may even come to that realization before the event begins! Even if that’s the case, don’t get negative or shut yourself off to the possibility of meeting someone. So maybe you don’t meet your next boyfriend or girlfriend, but you could meet your next boss, best friend or workout partner. Don’t close yourself off to the possibilities. Maintain a positive attitude and look at it as a networking opportunity.
(Do) Realize the dates are short, which means – It’s almost over.
Sometimes, a traditional date is so horrible that you count down the minutes until it’s over or try to find a way to end it early. With speed dating, no matter how obnoxious he is, it’s almost over. The typical speed date lasts only five to 10 minutes.
(DO) Breathe friendly.
Always have gum or breath-mints on hand. You are going to be seated within close proximity of 10-25 “dates” and talking a mile a minute. That much ‘close vicinity talking’ at high speeds can definitely contribute to unforeseeable halitosis. You definitely don’t want to be without gum or mints midway through an event if your breath suddenly starts kicking. And if the single you’re dating’s breath is bad and if you have gum or mints handy, you’re now able to offer them something to help them succeed! P.S. Don’t chew your gum so aggressively that it becomes annoying or distracting.
(DON’T) Drink TOO much.
And end up being sloppy during your dates or slurring your words and/or saying or doing something you may later regret. We’ve all been there…
(DON’T) Make it feel like a job interview.
Try to keep it relaxed and informal. If you came straight to an event after work wearing a suit and are sitting across from another suit, firing questions off in a formal, serious manner, speed dating can quickly start to feel like a string of super intense job interviews. To avoid this, try to dress a bit more casual as if you were going on a date and try to keep the conversation light. You don’t want it to become an interrogation or start firing off super intense questions making it obvious you’re going down your “checklist” of deal breakers. And smiling is very important and goes a long way to breaking the ice. Don’t look intense or too serious. Relax and remember smiling is contagious!
(DON’T) Dominate the conversation so your “date” can’t get a word in.
This can totally happen on a normal date, but with Speed Dating it’s more problematic and annoying as you are only working with 3-5 minutes. It’s very easy to be long-winded and want to tell the person everything about yourself to impress them. However keep in mind you have a VERY short amount of time so even if you manage to miraculously get your whole life history out by the ding of the bell, you could end up not knowing anything about your date! It should really be an exchange of information, give and take. You definitely don’t want him a write note about you like, “BRANDY- girl who wouldn’t shut up”.
(DON’T) Click someone as a “match” post-event if you have no intention of seeing them again.
Sometimes people feel obligated to check someone off as a “match” because they may have seemed like a nice person, however that is not what Speed Dating is about. Speed Dating is designed to help you find someone you want to see again and spend quality time with. When you click someone as a “match” because you thought they were nice, but don’t have any intention of seeing them again, it sends mixed messages and leads to disappointment when you never follow up to ask them out.
Finally, look at speed dating events as a “confidence booster”. Make every date meaningful – even the bad ones.
This site is filled with “how to boost confidence” tips and the only real way – is to get out there and try it.
Join the hottest new trend in dating rituals, speed dating is a fun way to meet several prospective matches in one night..