There’s not a woman alive who this hasn’t happened to. Regardless of looks, personality, career path, success level, place in life, none is immune.
Ever been in a relationship where you broke up with a man and just when you have cried all your tears and are ready to move on he pops up again? As Andre 3000 puts it, "We do damage, leave … and then we reappear."
The time after a break up can be very tough for you, however, it can also be tough on your ex-boyfriend.
Most men can pick up and move on from a break up in what seems like an instant. That’s because men process their emotions much more slowly than women do. A man will immerse himself into new experiences as a coping mechanism. That’s why you’ll often hear about a man marrying another woman soon after he break up with his girlfriend. Those things make it appear as though he’s left the relationship behind him and forgotten about it. The reality is that he’s using those things to try and forget the relationship.
So why do men almost always come back? Here’s my top 10.
1. He Doesn’t Want to Start Over
Everyone is afraid of ground zero. Going through the whole getting to know each other phase with another girl is sometimes a hassle. It can be really fun for your ex-boyfriend but eventually it becomes a “been there done that” situation. Guys would rather go back to their comfort zone (you) before starting all over again.
Not just Sex. Epic Sex. No man wants to give up good sex. If there was a good physical relationship, it's a good reason for him to return. Is the woman able to separate the physical stuff that works in the relationship with the emotional aspects that may be lacking? When a man isn’t getting his fix he becomes sexually frustrated. This is especially true if he was getting some with you on a consistent basis.
Be careful though, don’t just assume that he came back because he’s not getting sex elsewhere. Sometimes it can be a comfort thing. Maybe the new girl he’s getting it on with doesn’t do the little “tricks” that you do? The sad reality is that most guys aren’t getting any straight out of a relationship. They’ve been in relationship mode too long that it’s tough to hop back in the field of play and land a GOOD hookup. With that being said, more than likely he’s just not getting any.
3. He Actually Has Standards Now
When the relationship is over a new standard is set by default. He now knows what he likes and doesn’t like. While he’s out dating new women, he’ll start to compare by default because of the standards that you set in your past relationship together. If for whatever reason he feels those standards are not being met, he’ll go back to you knowing you’re the only girl who can fulfill his needs.
4. Your New Pics on Social Media Helps
Contrary to popular belief, we men are simple humans. The only thing better than meeting a new woman is meeting an old girlfriend who now seems way more awesome than she was when you were with her. I’m sure social networking sites like facebook go a long way in exacerbating this. An old flame uploads new pictures and, voila, her phone turns into the “hey, it’s me, it’s been a minute…” hotline. When we’re interested in getting to know the new you our interest is not genuine.
5. The Do-Over
When it comes to relationships, most men are experiential learners and they learn more by making mistakes. After they've made a few, they end up altering some things (behavior, patterns etc.) and set out to their next relationship, presumably more prepared. If he made a bunch of mistakes with a past partner, yet felt that there was some kind of connection, he may return for a second go-round.
6. He’s Changed
Men can change if they really want to. You as a woman can never change a man, but instead can open his eyes to a whole new reality that maybe he doesn’t want to face – like the reality of living without you. If he really wants to come back into your life he’ll want to show you how he’s changed. More than often he’s kicked some things out of his life that he knows you don’t like. He’s willing to show you these things up front not only for self-gratification but also because he wants the opportunity to be your man again.
7. The Grass Wasn't Really Greener
After a relationship is over and he starts dating again, he might realize that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. In fact, the grass is looking a bit dead. He now see that the grass he were on once before was ever so green. If you both have this realization, why not go back to the grass you once knew and try to re-water it?
8. The Little Thing, Little Moments
The men that love being single secretly wish they had a relationship and the men in a relationship secretly wish they were single again. As soon as the relationship ended, he was a bit sad but then realized he was single again. He could now go out with his boys, hit on girls, party and drink without having the guilt of a girlfriend weighing him down. Soon after, it all slowly fades away. He’ll start to miss you and the little things that came along with being in a relationship.
It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s back to use and abuse you. It could honestly mean he’s recognized the error in his ways and he’s ready to do right by you. There’s nothing wrong with giving him a chance to prove himself; but keep your eyes open while he’s working his way back into your heart.
9. He Knows You’ll Let Him Back In
You say all the time that you’re done with him but let a few months pass and he calls with his “baby, baby please” lines and your heart melts. Somehow you’ve convinced yourself that this time will be different. He’s changed. And maybe for the first couple of months he has changed. But once you’ve completely let your guard down, he returns to his old ways and you’re back at square one.
If you loved him and the relationship was one that was soul nourishing and gave you fulfilment than there is an approach you may want to take now to speed up the process of getting him back. Just be certain it’s truly what you want. Listen to your head, and not just your heart. Which leads me to the last reason.
10. He’s Being Manipulative
Men, sometimes just want control. Many of us went through a period in our lives where our most valuable talent was our ability to exert an unhealthy amount of control over the women we were dealing with. The thing about having that sort of control is that it makes it impossible to build any sort of lasting relationship. If we can control you, we can’t respect you. We can pretend to, but, in reality we don’t.
These are but a few of the many reasons men come back to women after the relationship is supposed to be over, so let’s hear from you. What are some of the reasons you think men have come back to you after a relationship? Do you usually find it to be a positive or negative experience? Have you found yourself in any of the situations I’ve just listed and what have you done about it?
Hit the comment box and let me know.